williamstown botanical gardens

Alan and Aleisha chose to get married at this beautiful bayside park.

WHAT does that have to do with funny wedding vows?? Simple. Theirs were the best I ever heard. I don't have permission to share them, so I went searching the internet for some of the best and most interesting, and I am going to use the rest of this blog post to share them with you.

Grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

I promise to unclog the tub, even though only one of us has long hair.

I vow never to steal your covers, unless you are hogging them.

I vow to take your hand when it’s too dark, and the dog out when it’s too early.

I vow to protect you from spiders as long as we both shall live.

I promise to get up and get the remote from across the room, even if it was not I who placed the remote so very far away.

I vow to always let you have the last blueberry pancake.

I vow to be there when you start Netflix marathons and finish actual marathons.

Now that we’ve gotten skinny for this wedding, let’s get real fat together.

Let's forget when to shut up, forget being polite, let's be that couple, those people, and have the time of our lives until we drop dead.

Do you take me to be your hunka-hunka burnin love?

I hope to be the only people we can stand at a cocktail party forever.

You're the first mate to my ship captain, the Smee to my Captain Hook…

I promise to take out the garbage, even in the pouring rain or freezing cold.

I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you are hot, even if I am totally freezing.

I want us to grow old and crusty together, to shake our collective fists at teenagers, and to talk endlessly about the old days when things were better, cheaper, and generally more wholesome.

I love you more than Midwesterners love John Cougar Mellencamp.

vow not to take any of your less pleasing habits personally, even though I really wish you would put the keys back on the key hook, and not leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway, and I love you.

Let's grow old disgracefully together.

I promise to love you no matter how many times you tell that same story - I still think it's funny too! That's why we were meant to be!

I vow to be your spell checker, grammar friend, and tell you when things need hyphens. I promise to be your partner in exercise, even if I am much faster than you, and most of all, I promise to try things, even though I am sure I will not like them, just because you say, "try this!"

I vow to protect you from all the ills of the world, even if a scientist invented a way to clone dinosaurs and the dinosaurs escaped from his zoo and then they came after us - I would protect you as well as I could manage from said dinosaurs. That is how much I love you.

You are the love of my life and I choo-choo-choose you.

I promise to share the covers, leave the light on, make sure the toilet paper is stocked, not use all the hot water, and do as many dishes as I can stomach, as long as we both shall live so help me God.

As Harry said to Sally, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

I love your stupid face and vow that I will put up with whatever you can throw at me - if you think you can put up with my mess.

This ring is a symbol of how you've got me wrapped around your finger.

I want your worst - give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers, give me your everyday, and I will give you my love to make it alright.

A pair of penguins mate for life, across hundreds of miles of tundra, the female penguin travels to bring food to the male, as he watches the egg over a month of sub-zero temperatures. As your husband, I promise never to ask you to do anything like that.

I just want your company, that's it. Just your company and your support - your undying support. Oh, and for you to forswear all others besides me - just all those things. Oh, and your kidneys - can you give me a kidney? Just one - and oh, your whole life - everything in your whole life - so I guess that includes your other kidney and your internal organs and soul and such. So that's all I want. Just that - think you can handle that?

Let's be married love, I'm starving.

I vow to laugh, for real, at your every joke no matter how stupid or poorly told. I love you that much.

Let's be dumb together - just plain stupid. Make bad choices, eat the wrong things, take the bad turns, and then let's tell great stories, the same ones - for ever and ever until no one can stand us but each other.

short and sweet

Alan and Aleisha just wanted to get married. They'd known each other for many years, had built a life together, including buying a house and starting their family, so it made sense that they vows were non traditional. Like some of these.

I promise not to stop believin - if you promise to be my brown eyed girl.

Today we join our two hearts into one being and not in a Time Lord way.

I love you through Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.

You and I just work together - and I love how you always finish my.... .... sentences... it's sentences.

I love you, by the old gods and the new.

I promise to pay all my debts to you - a Lannister always does.

Does this mean I have to stop referring to you by your last name?

I keep thinking of the beginning of UP... is that a problem?

It is at this moment as I gaze into your eyes I think... is it too late to elope?

You are the Matt to my Ben, the Carmen to my Miranda and the Bernedette to my Peters.

I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving however…

I vow to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it, even though we both know it was my manly muscles that opened that thing.

I vow to thrill you each day - to amaze and astonish you - did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning.

I vow to wash if you'll dry, just so we can be together in the kitchen, laughing, all night - every night.

You're the french fries in my chocolate shake.

I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon.

We belong together because we are as hot as young Han Solo and Princess Leia.

I promise to laugh at all your Monty Python references.

Make of our hearts one enormous 8 chambered heart.

I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!

There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally cursed you. I am so sorry...

Let's be the only people to get each other's jokes.

I promise not to make fun of the way you pack... or to second-guess your packing skills. Even if you shove things in the back of the car willy-nilly without considering how everything might fit.

Once I take your hand, I promise I'll never let you go - our clothes will have to be specially made - but it’ll be worth it.

Who loves you, baby? Me... that wasn't rhetorical.. I really meant... I am the one who loves you... baby.

As one volcano said to the other, "I have a dream I hope will come true that you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you - I thank the earth, sea - the sky I thank too - I lava you."

I can't believe how lucky I am to be marrying my BFF.

I can't wait to sit in our pajamas together, every night!

I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road-trip through life.

I love you, truly, madly, deeply... and I was thinking - maybe we should get married.

I promise to listen to "Hamilton" with you about a million times, but I am not giving away my ... shot.

My only wish is to be the person you choose to sit next to in a room with all the people in history, ever.

I would marry you in a boat and with a goat. I would marry you in the rain and in the dark and on a train. And in a car and in a tree, you are so good - so good to me. So I will love you in a box and I will love you (you're a fox) and I will love you in our house even if it has a mouse, and I will love you here or there. I promise to love you anywhere (with apologies to Seuss).

I promise that even though we have cell phones, I will never forget your number. You will be my phone call when the whole system crashes.

We look pretty good. What is it we were all dressed up for?

Ha Ha - we made everyone get dressed up.

How about you love me. What do you think about forever? Maybe we should get married - what are you up to today and for the rest of your life?

This is a lot of pressure, huh, I better not blow this - I _____ take you... what's your name again?

I promise not to watch the next episode without you.

If you turn into a zombie or a vampire, I promise to let you bite me, so we can be undead together.

Just one thing to tell you - I am totally worth it.

I take you to be my chief tennis doubles partner, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for when we win and the very, very rare occasion when we lose. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, to return your serves and do my best not to foot fault. This I vow to you.

I promise to love you even though you have an obsession with Britney Spears and other girly pop music. I promise I will learn to love all of your favorite pop stars like Britney Spears and Madonna, and will not criticize your choice in music from here on out.

I promise to love you even when you refuse to let me watch the football, to cherish you even when you blow one week’s salary on yet another handbag, and to understand you even when you are at mad at me because of something that happened in a dream.

more vows

Many 'funny' vows are intensely personal, an 'in' joke between the couple, can you tell which ones those might be??

I promise to root for ______ even though I could truly care less who wins.

You are the one I want to binge watch Netflix with forever.

I promise to tell you what you can pull off clotheswise and be honest when it's just not working.

I promise to continue to make your friends jealous of our amazing relationship.

I promise to love you through Ikea, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein.

I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch.

I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey's put together.

I love you, pants or no pants.

If you promise to kill the spiders, I'll promise to make your lunch, if you take out the trash (and the dog at night), I will make the bed. And if you love me, I will love you.

I vow as your wife to always support your dreams, even the one about the whale in the living room.

I promise to love you at all times - even during football season.

I can't wait to take your last name - I am going to totally steal your identity.

I promise that as your wife, I will not keep score, even though I am totally winning.

I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part or you turn into a zombie. Because then we're going to have to start seeing other people.

and finally

Just a few more to finish off. Be sure to let me know if any of these have inspired you!

You are chosen class, my constant tank, my faithful protector and my guardian from this day forward. In the presence of GMs, our guildies and pugs, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful raid leader in poisons and through over-heals, in good times and in bad, and in boss kills as well as mob wipes. I promise to run back unconditionally, to give you flasks for your runs, to buff and heal you, to mark targets for you and taunt off when you pull, and to lay my hand of protection on you for as long as we both are alive.

I choose you to be my partner in life. In front of our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses and to look after you if you get sick. I will love you always.

I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.

I promise to stay with you for the rest of our live and make sure that it turns out to be a very long life. I promise to love you with all of my heart but not more than my beers. I promise to honor you with all of my actions. I will treasure you like actual treasure, but don’t worry I won’t bury you.I promise to keep you warm, very warm when it’s cold outside. I will stand in the way of the sun when it gets hot. No matter how many books you get, or how many times we move, I promise to always carry them all every time

I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Tigers fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day, and will have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.

I promise to learn how to change a tyre and how to refill the screenwash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win.

I promise I will try to love Motley Crue as much as you do, and will even dress up in ‘80s clothing and see a live concert with you- and I won’t even complain the entire time. You’ll be my personal rock star and I will love every moment of it.”

I choose you to be my time travel partner when Marty McFly shows up with in Delorean, which he will. For richer, for poorer, for better or worse, when you go crazy over your project car, and when you put up with my love for Gears Of War. When we argue over the most ridiculous things like what episode of Mythbusters to watch or when I can’t accept defeat during video games games even though you so cheat, for when we stay awesome and the extremely rare occasion when we forget to be awesome, I promise to always love you because you’re the Dom to my Maria.

From this day forward I promise to be worth it. Worth the time. Worth the trip. Worth the energy. Worth the embarrassment. Worth your love. I promise that you will always count. You will always come first, and of course, if you don’t for whatever reason, I will buy you some shoes. From the moment you entered my world, you have filled it with life, color, and energy like never before…like cordial in a mud puddle…or a cupcake in a salad…or a rose garden in a junk yard. You are my rose,and I promise to devote my life to being your dirt.”

I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you are hungover

“I promise to always order something you like so that we can share meals” 

“I promise to always notice when you get your hair cut”

“I promise not to hit you too hard when you're snoring in the night”

“I promise to buy you your favourite chocolate when you're sad (even if it takes two supermarket trips)”

“I promise to let you win the occasional argument, even when I’m right”

“I promise to put my make-up in its designated drawer if you pick your pants up off the floor”

“I promise to agree that you really are the best driver on the road and always know exactly where you're going”